Intro

Me:  Is it your desire for me to lose weight?

God: Yes, because it is important to you.  I love you the same no matter how much you weigh.

Wow!  I'm taken back for a split second.

I've been waiting to here that my whole life.  I've been waiting for Mom someone to tell me that I'm loved, adored, ENOUGH regardless of the size of my capri's.  And now I'm hearing it from the Creator of the Universe.

 But will that be enough?

Really!  I'm sure you are thinking "what??? How can that not be enough?"

It's sad, I know.

But I've spent my whole adult life trying to prove it (unconsciously)  that my weight does not equate to my worth.  That the number on the scale doesn't equate to love.

I just want to be loved unconditionally.  Is that too much to ask?

The Truth Is...

I have been, well, as much as you can be my another human being.

But I'm still trying to prove it.  and not doing it very well.  Instead I'm just getting fatter and hating myself more and more.

Can I embrace God's unconditional love for me?  Now that He has spoken to me about my weight, can I let it go?  Can I lose it?

That is my journey.  The journey I begin today.  The one year journey....back to me.

A Leap of Faith: Literally

Today I am cleaning out my room...I mean, REALLY cleaning out my room.  I was praying a few weeks ago and I sensed God leading me to give away the clothes I had worn in the fall and winter of 2012.

God, that is REALLY SCARY.

But after continued prayer and discussion with my therapist, I became convinced that this was His direction.  Today, I am making that direction my reality.

In a worship-filled, house-cleaning activity, I am putting sweaters, shirts, dresses, and pants in storage bins.  They will go to consignment and I will save the check for new fall and winter clothes for 2013.

Because He says:  "You will not be able to wear those clothes in 2013".

Today is my first leap of faith since my Faith Revelation.

And I as type, The Voice of Truth, comes on the Ipod.  Coincidence?

I think not.

Psalm 37:1-6

Conditional promises - 1.  Trust in the Lord AND do good.  (be righteous - moral)  We are no longer slaves to sin.  We can choose to do right.  When we do, the condition of this promise is met and we can look to the promise.  We will dwell in the land and we will be fed.  2.  Delight thyself in the Lord.  (take great pleasure in).  We must have a loving relationship with God that goes beyond duty - loving Father that is concerned about our total well-being.  3.  Commit thy way to the Lord - to place in trust, custody, to entrust.  Doing it God's way, not our way. 

A Faith Journey

I love it when God wakes me up in the mornings with insight into our lives together.  and. I hate it when God wakes me up in the mornings with insight into our lives together..

3:42 a.m. is awful early to hear any voice - even if it's God's voice.

None the less, today I was awakened to an old, and I mean, old, song:

Prayer is the key to heaven, but faith unlocks the door.  Words are so easily spoken, but prayer without faith is like a boat without an ore.

I used to sing it with my cousin when my feet wouldn't even touch the floor from the piano bench. And, needless to say, that's been a LONG time.

I knew this awakening was for more than a walk down memory lane, so I do what I do best and started googling the word faith.

Faith, prayer, trust....three, such simple, but at the same time, such complicated words. 

Here's what God was showing me this day.....I have trust in Him only to the level that I have faith in Him.

Ouch!

I love the way that God knows us so intricately.

On August 8, 2011, God quietly instructed me to memorize James 1.  I played at it, but never really made any big attempt at it.

Today, I look at it and see that it's primary lesson is on faith.

How much time have I wasted becoming who God wants me to be because of my procrastination.

How much time....

The Book

If you know much about me, at all, you know that I LOVE the book, Celebration of Discipline, by Richard Foster.

Well, the book I'm reading now and having been talking about over the last few posts is going to rank right up there with Celebration of Discipline for me.  I have a feeling God brought this to me, at this time, to change my life regarding the way I see my body, the way I see food, and how I choose to live in this and many other areas as well.

Proverbs 24:16: For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity." 

Things...

I've never been a person that enjoyed reading the Bible. I know that sounds sacrilegious in someway, but I don't mean it like that.

I like learning about Jesus. I just like doing that through books. I know a lot of Bible stories, and I know a lot of scripture; maybe I'm just a little more ADD than I realized.

However today, I felt led (once again). This time I felt led to read Job. That seemed appropriate and I was stuck on an airplane anyway, so I thought I would give it a shot.

Wow!

God showed me two things while I was reading, but first a little "Reader's Digest" background of Job:

Job was faithful.

Satan says: "of course, he's faithful. He's healthy; he's wealthy; he has a great family; it's easy to be faithful when your life is like Job's."

God says: "ok. You can take his wealth and his family, but don't harm him."

So Satan does.

Thing #1 that stood out:

After Satan took Job's children, servants, and animals (wealth) this is what scripture says about Job.

Job 1:20: Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and fell to the ground AND WORSHIPED.

WORSHIPED! wHaT??? I L.O.V.E. that!

Then...

If you got the text that said "We lost. I can't talk" thank you for honoring that. To be honest, I felt a little guilty. You all had been so supportive of us, and now I don't want to talk to you?

Once again to Job and even more background.

Scripture says that Job was faithful after Satan took his wealth, his servants, his animals, and his children.

Satan says: "Of course, he's faithful. He still has his health."

God says: "You can take his health, but spare his life."

Scripture says that Satan then struck Job with painful boils from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head. Job's three friends heard about this and came to him.

Job 2:13 So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.

Now thing #2:

I can trust God AND grieve. I don't have to trust God OR grieve.

Of course, I know that, but in that moment, I had forgotten. I think God knew I had forgotten, so He gave me Job 2:13.

AND He, also, gave me friends that will come to me and sit with me, without speaking a word, and see me. I mean REALLY see me. and sit with me, REALLY sit with me.

Even when I say....I Can't Talk.

My Toenail Hurts

Have I ever said on this blog, or in any avenue of communication, how much I LOVE my Dad.

I'm stating RIGHT UP FRONT that this post does not diminish that love for him in ANY WAY!

When I was, hmmm, maybe fourteen, my Mom took me to the doctor with an ingrown toenail. The doctor said "it needs to come off" so Mom made the appointment. When we got home, my Dad had a different thought.

Mom/Me -" The toenail has to come off."

Dad - "No. That really hurts. If she doesn't want it to come off, she doesn't have too."

Me - "I don't want to do anything that hurts. (yay, Dad)"

Mom - "Okay, I'll cancel the appointment."

NOW, leap forward 37 years....

I laid on a massage table yesterday and could hardly stand to have my foot on the sheets because my toenail is ingrown and IT HURTS.

Every time I get a pedicure, the sweet pedicure person has to dig out my toenail while I wince and grab whoever is sitting in the chair next to me.

Lesson - have your toenail removed when the doctor says.

True Lesson - doing what's best for you sometimes hurts, but it will hurt a lot less in the long run.

************

God has told me for some time now to block out one hour of prayer time a day. Have I done it? No, because it "hurts" my sleep time, my Facebook time, my Words with Friends time. The list could go on and on.

I have had the desire to try to do a Triathlon for YEARS, but I won't even get up to walk on the treadmill. Why? Because it hurts!

*************

I picked up an old book today, Prayerwalking, and found these lines interesting...

Oh, that d word: discipline. I've never liked it personally. We have met on occasions - with diets, short walks on exercise programs, and a prayer journal attempt or two. But life interfered with our acquaintance, and routines always fell by the wayside. Discipline simply stifles my spontaneity. Why if I were committed to various routines of discipline, I couldn't visit a friend or take my daughter shopping or watch the ducks flying the wrong way.

Just two years ago, I bit my fingernails to their nubs (oh by the way, I was biting my nails, as I read the book) my weight was taxing my back and my knees were giving way as I walked down stairs. I knew what I needed. I needed to exercise to get my strength back again. I also needed to pray - at length.

So she prayerwalks.

I like it, conceptually, of course.

For some reason, I bet the author's Dad didn't make her have her ingrown toenail removed either.